That's me! Myself! I!
Well, it's my name, at any rate.
As for the rest? I find myself asking "who?" when people ask how I am, because I am feeling so very absent from myself lately.
Taking care of my children, my elderly mother, my husband (and, I am sure, not nearly enough of this, he's mostly fending for himself right now), I am so often subsumed by the needs of others. Mourning my father, anew, too.
Stretched so thin, I feel like gossamer these days, transparent, near to nothingness.
Except for when I am writing. Except when I am writing, my friends, and then I pour back into myself as words flow out of me.
That could be why I just don't want to do anything else these days, really.
I spent years as a "blocked writer" jotting down notes on pieces of paper, like so many bits of flotsam and jetsam scattered about, amounting to nothing.
I wrote and wrote and wrote: stories and essays, long and short. All in my head.
Vowing to get them "onto paper" sometime soon, they would gradually fade away into the invisible ink of vague memory.
Now that I am actually writing, it is as a person come from the desert, stumbled onto the fertile river delta. Can't get enough, can't get enough. Ever.
I want to jump into the lake of my stories, roll around in my words, throw them up into the air like so much colorful confetti and dance under them as they land.
Words, words, words. I love words.
I love finding my voice.
I love being fearless, unbridled. Queen of my domain, here, at The Squashed Bologna.
The rest of my life? I am at everyone's beck and call.
I love that in a different way, would not trade in being "the Mom" for all the words in the world.
It's just, I've found, I need it all.
I love being "Mom" being "Daughter" being "Wife."
But I also need to just be "Varda" sometimes.
So that's what I'll do here.
Throw some lovely words up into the air. And why not "V" words, in honor of the day...
Vermilion...
Vagabond...
Voluptuous...
Verbosity...
Verisimilitude...
Variegation...
Venerable...
Vainglorious...
Versicolored...
Visionary...
Vertiginous...
Spin myself dizzy as they rain down about me.
Pick a few up, time to go write...
This post has been inspired by and linked up to Jenny Matlock's Alphabe-Thursday writing meme. And aren't there so many other lovely "V" words in the world?
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