Perspective, again

Photo by Lucky Tran via @illuminator99

I hate this.

My heart is breaking.

For my friends.

For my family.

For perfect strangers.

For my country.

I do not understand people who want to do this.

To inflict harm upon strangers.

To turn a joyful occasion into terror and sorrow.

To kill children.

I know human beings can lose their humanity.

It happens in war.

It happens in homes with the doors closed and everything looking just peachy from the outside.

I understand it with my head.

But not my heart.

Never.

~~~ * ~~~

After a long (for me) hiatus, with my head too wrapped up in other things, I was finally ready to post yesterday. About something lovely that happened with Jake the other day. Something small. Sweet and joyful.

And then Boston.

And then I just couldn't.

And I know life goes on.

But still, we must take pause.

I was walking home with Ethan, after school pickup yesterday, when we heard a man yelling; shouting, screaming on Broadway.

Fearful it was another crazed homeless man (one had badly frightened him a few years ago) I looked about and saw just an ordinary young man with a cell phone.

"No, no, no, no, no! What happened?" he said when words returned after the screams of anguish subsided. "Were is Meagan? Is she all right? Is she alright?"

Ethan and I kept walking. He was concerned. I assumed it was a personal matter, a car accident, maybe.

And then we got home, and Danny told me what had happened.

Ethan wanted to know more, and didn't. And I was torn between sheltering him from the horrors of this world and trying to honestly explain the evils in it without unduly frightening him.

I settled for a middle ground.

And he fell asleep last night easier than I did, sitting benumbed on the sofa, parked before a TV showing me over and over again things I did not want to see or hear yet couldn't tear myself away from.

I have dear friends in Boston. Family. All safe. (There but for the grace...)

~~~ * ~~~

In days to come I will tell you of Jake's small triumphs, of Ethan's growing obsession with Magic the Gathering; share photos of the boys' spring haircuts, talk about how wonderful this year's Listen to Your Mother show is going to be and encourage you to buy tickets.

But today, now, I will simply take my pause.

Reflect on how tiny my troubles appear in the light of larger tragedy.

I am getting tired of how often the world gives opportunity for this sort of perspective these days.

Wishing peace for those suffering.

And light and love to enter the hearts and minds of all those who would do such a thing, rendering the unthinkable, unthinkable once more.